Article: - Relationship advice from Oy!: don’t forget your friends
So, you’re in a new relationship, its exciting, you couldn’t be happier
and not only do you want to see him all the time but he seems to return
the feeling! Your friends are thrilled for you too, and happy to let you
cancel your weekend’s plans with them so you can see him. They’re your
friends; of course they understand that, having spent the last few years
with them, its only fair that your new guy gets some attention.
However, three weeks later and you’re not so sure. While no-one has said
anything outright, you’re getting the feeling that your friends aren’t
that thrilled that it’s another weekend that you won’t be seeing them.
Eventually, they get upset and you start to feel guilty and annoyed that
they think you don’t care. How could they think that? It’s clearly some
kind of misunderstanding, they should know you still love them, and
don’t you have a right to see your boyfriend?
This is a common
situation, which many people in relationships will find themselves in,
and while it may seem that your friends are being unreasonable you have
to remember that it is so easy for you to be blinded by the excitement
and enjoyment of being with someone. You forget that while your
priorities may have changed theirs haven’t, and if you were in their
situation you might not be as happy. You may not be doing it on purpose,
but sometimes it’s hard not to alienate your friends when you’re trying
to find the time for a relationship, however, even though it is a very
much overused saying, boyfriends come and go but friends are forever. So
while it’s still good to want to spend time with your boyfriend you
shouldn’t disregard your friends in the process. But how do you get the
balance right?
Time management
This is not
necessarily a hard thing to do. We all have commitments outside of our
social lives and so it can seem hard to fit everyone in around them. The
best way to try and keep everyone happy is to split your time as
equally as possible between the two sides. Weekends are the prime time
to do this as there are essentially two ‘going out nights’, so try if
you can to spend one with your friends and one with your guy. This may
not be feasible every weekend, but try and make it a rule as a whole. Do
not be tempted to cancel plans with either side just to spend time with
the other – that is a sure way of hurting people’s feelings. Maybe
you’d prefer to spend the weekdays with your friends and the weekends
with your boyfriend. Whatever it is, make a point of trying to see them
both equally and make it clear to them that you’re happy to do that.
Obviously everyone is not going to be satisfied all the time but as long
as you’re trying that’s the most important thing.
Group outings
This
may be easier for some than for others depending on how well each party
interacts, however the result is essentially the same. It’s a good way
for everyone to get to know each other and feel more secure with the new
situation, and getting him to bring his friends would also make him
more comfortable, whilst allowing you and your friends to get to know
more people. The bonus is that it’s killing two birds with one stone as
you get to see everyone at once! We are all mature, sensible adults
(most of the time) and there shouldn’t be a reason why everyone can’t
try to get along.
Communication
Burying
feelings doesn’t help anyone whether it’s you, your friends or your
boyfriend. Make sure you explain if you’re upset or worried over the
situation and try to get them to do the same. You have to remember that
while it may seem obvious to you why you want to see your boyfriend, to
them it could feel like you just don’t want to see them. Another good
idea to help smooth the way is to regularly send them texts or call
them, just as you would have normally before you started your
relationship. Little messages can go a long way and lets you and them
both feel like they’re still in the loop.
Attention
A
thing that many people are prone to do is constantly texting or talking
about their boyfriend in front of their friends. Yes, you’re excited
about it and it might seem interesting to you, but bear in mind that
your friends aren’t and it may cause some resentment. Remember when you
had that fight with your ex and called your friend in the middle of the
night to cry about it? You owe her the same courtesy so if she has a
problem or wants to talk about something different, give her your full
attention and try to squash the urge to bring it back around to relate
to you and your guy. There is no point going through the effort of
finding time to see everyone if you don’t make it quality time.
Remember,
your friends were there first and they are the ones who will last when
things go wrong. Even though it may seem like it will last forever, your
relationship might not work out, and it’s then that you’ll need people
to comfort you and get you through the drama. Looking at movies and
magazines, they all give us the impression that if you love someone they
are the only person you need in your life, but in real life it’s not
that simple, as well as not healthy to spend all your time with the same
person. The people who care about you deserve your time, so sometimes
you’re going to have to be creative but as long as you maintain
reasonable expectations, you should be able to get a good balance and
see all the people you care about.